I am going to a Halloween Party tonight. Nothing like waiting for the last minute to find a costume to wear. I will leave in a couple of hours to shop, running in and out of stores, crazy-eyed by the time this afternoon is through. Why do I always wait until the end?
I wait to do my Christmas shopping at the last minute as well. I really do hope this year will be different.
I have been a Costco member for years now. I pay my yearly fee in anticipation of finding really good bargains, but I rarely ever enter the store.
I feel very special when I first enter the warehouse. I flash my Costco card at the folks by the door and they nod me in as though I'm in a very special elite club. The first thing I see are the plasma TVs and I stop and stare with the others... before walking on. I feel hopeful and excited and happy I am there.
And then. I turn the corner and remember why I don't come in very often. The crowds! They can be a frightening lot. Especially before the holidays.
It was 2003. In a crazy moment of last minute Christmas shopping, I stopped in there to buy a few things. It was my last time there.
I was nearly done with my shopping when I tried to lean in to pick up a THE SIMS HOUSE PARTY computer game off the table for my niece. But doing so, caused someone to accidently drop their free sample of cider on my shirt. They offered me their sticky napkin covered in cinnamon swirl cake crumbs to absorb the juice, but the crumbs started to stain my shirt. I leaned in again while a child decides to hop for joy and clips me in my chin which felt as painful as a decapitation. In fact, a clear decapitation would have been less painful. There were so many people packed in, I pushed my somewhat full cart three aisles over and parked it. Returning back to the table was a feat in itself. After a few elbow digs in the rib, and someone stepping on my shoe, causing me to step out of it and then the horror of dropping down to the floor to reclaim my shoe was about as much drama I needed that day. I asked someone close to the table to grab me the game. And once I had it in my hands, I went looking for my shopping cart. It was gone. I think I saw a crazy-eyed lady with four kids clutching on her purple coat with fur around her neck, pushing it. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was mine.
So I carried that game to the end of the store to pay for it. It didn't take long to get there, as the lines were halfway down the store. I counted I was the 14th person in line. Everyone had carts overflowing in super-sized cereal boxes, detergents, tents, kayaks, exercise equipments, computers and clothes. I looked down at my small game and looked back at the long lines and then back down at my game. I lost to the lines. I looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking and then left The Sims House Party game behind me on top of a large plastic jar of red licorice.
Today I will visit the Dollar Store, Big Lots!, The Goodwill and the temporary Halloween Shop. Each store I will visit will undoubtedly look like a small cyclone has hit it. The stores will be crowded. Nothing will be on the shelves. I will most likely show up late to the party trying to get ready. I will apologize for whoever I am and have the best excuse in the book. While they spent weeks preparing for their costume, I only had a couple of hours. I will have a reason why my costume looks the way it does.
Being an artist, people expect more out of me. They expect me to have the best costume. To have the best gift-wrapped package. To have the dinner table set in a dramatic way. It's an expectation I don't want to meet. So I guess I'll continue with lame excuses why I had to wait for the last minute to get anything done. Not that I ever have to come up with one. I procrastinate well enough on my own.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
remote
I wish I had a magical remote. So I could click on any wish I had and it would come true in an instant.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
It might surprise you to know.....
1. Whenever I lie, my teeth chatter.
2. I've never been to a real circus.
3. I always liked Rhoda more than Mary.
4. I google-search everyone I know.
5. I've never eaten at Applebees.
6. Every time I see 7:23 on my clock radio I think of my birthday.
7. I recognize symptoms of dyslexia in me.
8. I grew up in a house with ghosts!
9. When I was a kid I loved Show & Tell and participated in it everyday.
10. I become extremely bashful in a public restroom when someone is waiting to get my stall.
11. I'm unable to hold a grudge.
12. I always feel out-of-place clothes shopping.
13. I can't dive into a pool without feeling the water first. I have to torture myself by going in slowly.
14. I don't like to camp.
15. I often cry "happy tears" when good things happen to people.
16. When we were teenagers, my friend would fly me around in her parent's private airplane by ourselves. (For good luck, my mom would give me her St Christopher's medal and a rabbit's foot). To this day, my mom cannot believe she let me do that!
17. I still can't tell the difference between Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino.
18. Even though I am extremely happy to have my parents, I used to daydream of living in an orphanage run by The Singing Nuns.
19. I do not like the smell of hospitals or visiting people in them.
20. There are always two sides to every story and I usually can see the point of view on both sides.
21. I love to drive. Especially winding roads at dark.
22. I have always loved Olivia deHavilland and wanted to be as kind and as sweet as her character, Melanie was in Gone With the Wind.
23. I do not like the rain or gray, colorless skies.
24. When I was a kid, everytime we played we had to include Quick Sand.
25. I was nearly murdered once. I don't fear that. But I DO fear my mother dying. Daily.
26. Sports on the radio is just white noise to me.
27. I never tire of a celebrity siting.
28. I feel great anxiety when someone starts his story off with "You are going to laugh so hard when I tell you this".
29. I think I would have made a fabulous detective. I have a really good ear for the small details in stories people share.
30. Often times when I walk inside my house, I greet it by saying, "Hello House!"
31. I once drove with a friend from San Francisco to Tyler, Texas for a day and a half's visit and then drove back home-- in the middle of August without air conditioning!
32. I don't think I've ever been bored, except when someone tells me too many jokes at one sitting.
33. When we were children, my friend and I would occasionally dress up and sing Let Me Entertain You to the patrons at a local restaurant without asking permission from the manager.
34. The most horrible movie I ever watched was Oprah's: The Beloved.
35. I am not afraid to take risks.
36. I love twisting a Q-tip in my ear.
37. I once sold children records door to door in Nebraska, Idaho, Oregon, Iowa, Washington, Colorado, Texas, California, Ohio and Virginia.
38. I love a pot-roast dinner with carrots and potatoes.
39. I never have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. UNLESS... I'm at someone's house I feel uncomfortable in, and then without a doubt, I will need to go.
40. They say "it's better to give than to receive" but I actually think I sometimes enjoy receiving more.
41. I love going out for breakfast.
42. I am late more often than early, but I really prefer arriving exactly on time.
43. I still feel very sad that John F Kennedy Jr has died.
44. I love a warm day at the beach.
45. I watched the movie GONE WITH THE WIND seven times by the time I was seven. I don't think I've seen it since.
46. I always feel self-conscious walking in a cross walk while cars wait for me.
47. I can never keep my hands clapping on beat with the rest of the audience.
48. I've always been a bridesmaid -- never a bride.
49. I have an extremely active imagination.
50. I don't remember the last time I was sick.
51. An unexpected doorbell ringing at my house causes me huge anxiety and I usually hide and don't answer it.
52. The longest drive I've ever driven alone was from San Francisco to Seattle which took me 12 and a half hours in my brand new 1987 red Hyundai listening to Air Supply, Phil Collins, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper.
53. I stop and greet every cat I see in the neighborhood when I walk.
54. I love going to Open Houses for sale and see how they decorate.
55. I only seem to need to fart when it's quiet and I'm in an uncomfortable situation.
56. Many times when the waiter talks of the specials of the night, I have a hard time listening to what he's saying, but nod my head as though it sounds delicious!
57. When I was a kid going to bed at night, our family would say "goodnight" to each other just like the Waltons.
58. I've been in every state except for Maine and Alaska.
59. I always get nervous driving in front of a cop.
60. I used to have bad acne as a teenager.
61. I was in full time ministry for nearly three years in my late teens/early twenties.
62. I have only watched Seinfeld in reruns and maybe only two episodes of Friends.
63. When I was a kid I wanted to look and sing like Olivia Newton John.
64. I wear shorts more than any other type of pants.
65. My ears are so flat, I can't carry a pencil behind them.
66. The only thing holding me back is fear.
67. Honesty and vulnerability in others is very endearing to me.
68. I don't own a library card.
69. I've been wearing the same fragrance (Clinique's Aromatics Elixir) since I was 19.
70. I love warm, tropical nights.
71. I tend to scan the prices first on the menu and then select a meal based on the price I want to spend.
72. I once got lost off-trail at a ski resort for hours and hours with a friend after dark. We had so much fun, but we swore never to admit that to any of our friends worried and waiting for us at the lodge.
73. I don't really like chatting on the phone.
74. I wake up naturally around 10 am if I don't have anywhere to go.
75. I tend to add a "y" to people's names when I talk to them.
76. Nothing irritates me more than someone lying to me.
77. I tend to want to rearrange a room every couple of years for a change.
78. Sometimes while driving, I'll secretly pretend I'm in a race and try to pass a car by a certain landmark as the finish line.
79. I once chipped my best friend's tooth with a shot-put while playing catch during Track&Field.
80. The only cats I have ever had were the ones that have adopted me.
81. Whenever I end my prayers, I say, "God bless everyone I love, hate, don't like and like." I've finished it that way ever since I can remember.
82. If I cry, I'm exhausted the rest of the day.
83. I seldom have the TV on during daylight hours. It just seems wrong.
84. Sometimes I will talk in a different voice, like a cartoon or a child or with a goofy accent.
85. I love picnics in the wine country.
86. I believe things always work out in the end.
87. I really don't want to discuss politics or religion.
88. I always wore hand-me-downs as a kid.
89. I often times get my words mixed up and say things I don't mean.
90. I'm really good at playing Charades.
91. I have sung too many times in the mirror with an air guitar and a hair brush.
92. Sometimes during a rainy, winter day, I will pay for one movie and then sneak off and see other one after the first movie is over.
93. I never tire of driving over the Golden Gate Bridge.
94. I go to a concert, not to hear the songs, but to see the singer.
95. I got a D in art in high school.
96. I didn't think I would, but I loved going on the Hollywood/Beverly Hills Movie Stars Home Tour a few years ago.
97. Everytime I am pumping gas, I wonder if the gas meter is accurate.
98. I love staying in hotels. First thing I do is turn the TV on and check out the bathroom and window view.
99. When I was a kid, I used to cry every night before my birthday because I would never be a certain age ever again.
100. I have never thrown coins into the Salvation Army pot during the holidays while they're ringing their bells. But I will this year.
2. I've never been to a real circus.
3. I always liked Rhoda more than Mary.
4. I google-search everyone I know.
5. I've never eaten at Applebees.
6. Every time I see 7:23 on my clock radio I think of my birthday.
7. I recognize symptoms of dyslexia in me.
8. I grew up in a house with ghosts!
9. When I was a kid I loved Show & Tell and participated in it everyday.
10. I become extremely bashful in a public restroom when someone is waiting to get my stall.
11. I'm unable to hold a grudge.
12. I always feel out-of-place clothes shopping.
13. I can't dive into a pool without feeling the water first. I have to torture myself by going in slowly.
14. I don't like to camp.
15. I often cry "happy tears" when good things happen to people.
16. When we were teenagers, my friend would fly me around in her parent's private airplane by ourselves. (For good luck, my mom would give me her St Christopher's medal and a rabbit's foot). To this day, my mom cannot believe she let me do that!
17. I still can't tell the difference between Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino.
18. Even though I am extremely happy to have my parents, I used to daydream of living in an orphanage run by The Singing Nuns.
19. I do not like the smell of hospitals or visiting people in them.
20. There are always two sides to every story and I usually can see the point of view on both sides.
21. I love to drive. Especially winding roads at dark.
22. I have always loved Olivia deHavilland and wanted to be as kind and as sweet as her character, Melanie was in Gone With the Wind.
23. I do not like the rain or gray, colorless skies.
24. When I was a kid, everytime we played we had to include Quick Sand.
25. I was nearly murdered once. I don't fear that. But I DO fear my mother dying. Daily.
26. Sports on the radio is just white noise to me.
27. I never tire of a celebrity siting.
28. I feel great anxiety when someone starts his story off with "You are going to laugh so hard when I tell you this".
29. I think I would have made a fabulous detective. I have a really good ear for the small details in stories people share.
30. Often times when I walk inside my house, I greet it by saying, "Hello House!"
31. I once drove with a friend from San Francisco to Tyler, Texas for a day and a half's visit and then drove back home-- in the middle of August without air conditioning!
32. I don't think I've ever been bored, except when someone tells me too many jokes at one sitting.
33. When we were children, my friend and I would occasionally dress up and sing Let Me Entertain You to the patrons at a local restaurant without asking permission from the manager.
34. The most horrible movie I ever watched was Oprah's: The Beloved.
35. I am not afraid to take risks.
36. I love twisting a Q-tip in my ear.
37. I once sold children records door to door in Nebraska, Idaho, Oregon, Iowa, Washington, Colorado, Texas, California, Ohio and Virginia.
38. I love a pot-roast dinner with carrots and potatoes.
39. I never have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. UNLESS... I'm at someone's house I feel uncomfortable in, and then without a doubt, I will need to go.
40. They say "it's better to give than to receive" but I actually think I sometimes enjoy receiving more.
41. I love going out for breakfast.
42. I am late more often than early, but I really prefer arriving exactly on time.
43. I still feel very sad that John F Kennedy Jr has died.
44. I love a warm day at the beach.
45. I watched the movie GONE WITH THE WIND seven times by the time I was seven. I don't think I've seen it since.
46. I always feel self-conscious walking in a cross walk while cars wait for me.
47. I can never keep my hands clapping on beat with the rest of the audience.
48. I've always been a bridesmaid -- never a bride.
49. I have an extremely active imagination.
50. I don't remember the last time I was sick.
51. An unexpected doorbell ringing at my house causes me huge anxiety and I usually hide and don't answer it.
52. The longest drive I've ever driven alone was from San Francisco to Seattle which took me 12 and a half hours in my brand new 1987 red Hyundai listening to Air Supply, Phil Collins, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper.
53. I stop and greet every cat I see in the neighborhood when I walk.
54. I love going to Open Houses for sale and see how they decorate.
55. I only seem to need to fart when it's quiet and I'm in an uncomfortable situation.
56. Many times when the waiter talks of the specials of the night, I have a hard time listening to what he's saying, but nod my head as though it sounds delicious!
57. When I was a kid going to bed at night, our family would say "goodnight" to each other just like the Waltons.
58. I've been in every state except for Maine and Alaska.
59. I always get nervous driving in front of a cop.
60. I used to have bad acne as a teenager.
61. I was in full time ministry for nearly three years in my late teens/early twenties.
62. I have only watched Seinfeld in reruns and maybe only two episodes of Friends.
63. When I was a kid I wanted to look and sing like Olivia Newton John.
64. I wear shorts more than any other type of pants.
65. My ears are so flat, I can't carry a pencil behind them.
66. The only thing holding me back is fear.
67. Honesty and vulnerability in others is very endearing to me.
68. I don't own a library card.
69. I've been wearing the same fragrance (Clinique's Aromatics Elixir) since I was 19.
70. I love warm, tropical nights.
71. I tend to scan the prices first on the menu and then select a meal based on the price I want to spend.
72. I once got lost off-trail at a ski resort for hours and hours with a friend after dark. We had so much fun, but we swore never to admit that to any of our friends worried and waiting for us at the lodge.
73. I don't really like chatting on the phone.
74. I wake up naturally around 10 am if I don't have anywhere to go.
75. I tend to add a "y" to people's names when I talk to them.
76. Nothing irritates me more than someone lying to me.
77. I tend to want to rearrange a room every couple of years for a change.
78. Sometimes while driving, I'll secretly pretend I'm in a race and try to pass a car by a certain landmark as the finish line.
79. I once chipped my best friend's tooth with a shot-put while playing catch during Track&Field.
80. The only cats I have ever had were the ones that have adopted me.
81. Whenever I end my prayers, I say, "God bless everyone I love, hate, don't like and like." I've finished it that way ever since I can remember.
82. If I cry, I'm exhausted the rest of the day.
83. I seldom have the TV on during daylight hours. It just seems wrong.
84. Sometimes I will talk in a different voice, like a cartoon or a child or with a goofy accent.
85. I love picnics in the wine country.
86. I believe things always work out in the end.
87. I really don't want to discuss politics or religion.
88. I always wore hand-me-downs as a kid.
89. I often times get my words mixed up and say things I don't mean.
90. I'm really good at playing Charades.
91. I have sung too many times in the mirror with an air guitar and a hair brush.
92. Sometimes during a rainy, winter day, I will pay for one movie and then sneak off and see other one after the first movie is over.
93. I never tire of driving over the Golden Gate Bridge.
94. I go to a concert, not to hear the songs, but to see the singer.
95. I got a D in art in high school.
96. I didn't think I would, but I loved going on the Hollywood/Beverly Hills Movie Stars Home Tour a few years ago.
97. Everytime I am pumping gas, I wonder if the gas meter is accurate.
98. I love staying in hotels. First thing I do is turn the TV on and check out the bathroom and window view.
99. When I was a kid, I used to cry every night before my birthday because I would never be a certain age ever again.
100. I have never thrown coins into the Salvation Army pot during the holidays while they're ringing their bells. But I will this year.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Stuck In a Snowglobe
That's how I've been feeling lately. Misplaced in the season. Stuck in a snowglobe.
It seems our weather has turned on a dime. Sometimes it looks warmer than it is, and I trot off on a walk and there's a small chill in the air. I'm still not accustomed to putting on a sweater or a coat or a sweatshirt. I just venture off wearing clothes appropriate for the tropics!
But I am enjoying this time of year and eventually I'll get the hang of what to wear as I venture outside....
It seems our weather has turned on a dime. Sometimes it looks warmer than it is, and I trot off on a walk and there's a small chill in the air. I'm still not accustomed to putting on a sweater or a coat or a sweatshirt. I just venture off wearing clothes appropriate for the tropics!
But I am enjoying this time of year and eventually I'll get the hang of what to wear as I venture outside....
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Anticipation
I feel almost silly.
I am still experiencing an unusual feeling of jubilation. The feeling I'm about to embark on some magical, wonderful adventure. Perhaps a new job. Or simply a new experience. I feel extra alert... double checking whether or not my shoe laces are tied so I'm ready to run. I want to be ready when the bells sounds, to jump out of my starting block. Not to linger and wonder if this is the race. To just believe that it is. And to run to be the winner.
Last night I dreamed I got a new job. I was hired to brush barbecue sauce on corpses so they have more color to them in the casket for viewing. Matt was kind to let me practice on him first.
Later in the night, I dreamed I worked at a hospital. There were lots of little children with eye diseases without a cure, so I designed a small pocket inside their eye to put their disease.. for later years when the cure is known, the doctors can open up the little pockets where the disease is and repair it.
And just before I woke up this morning, I dreamed I was playing an old 45-record and just above the spinning record, I could see prisms of color. The various notes sent different colors splashing about. I somehow was able to save several seconds worth of music and dancing color and bottled it up to sell.
My mind is constantly in motion. The RPMs are spinning along at a nice pace. Always thinking. Creating. Wondering.
It's a nice state to be in.
I am still experiencing an unusual feeling of jubilation. The feeling I'm about to embark on some magical, wonderful adventure. Perhaps a new job. Or simply a new experience. I feel extra alert... double checking whether or not my shoe laces are tied so I'm ready to run. I want to be ready when the bells sounds, to jump out of my starting block. Not to linger and wonder if this is the race. To just believe that it is. And to run to be the winner.
Last night I dreamed I got a new job. I was hired to brush barbecue sauce on corpses so they have more color to them in the casket for viewing. Matt was kind to let me practice on him first.
Later in the night, I dreamed I worked at a hospital. There were lots of little children with eye diseases without a cure, so I designed a small pocket inside their eye to put their disease.. for later years when the cure is known, the doctors can open up the little pockets where the disease is and repair it.
And just before I woke up this morning, I dreamed I was playing an old 45-record and just above the spinning record, I could see prisms of color. The various notes sent different colors splashing about. I somehow was able to save several seconds worth of music and dancing color and bottled it up to sell.
My mind is constantly in motion. The RPMs are spinning along at a nice pace. Always thinking. Creating. Wondering.
It's a nice state to be in.
Sunday, October 9, 2005
Saturday, October 8, 2005
Opportunity is Knocking
I've been hearing it for a couple of days now. It's a distant sound in my future. But getting closer. It hasn't come into view quite yet. I have no idea what it is. But I can sense its beckoning. I feel anxious and optimistic. Just a gut feeling that something wonderful is around the corner for me. An opportunity I have yet to be introduced to, but feel in my heart I will recognize it when it happens. I believe I need to move forward in order to find it. I need to meet it halfway. I believe that. I really do. And I will let you know when that happens to me.
Thursday, October 6, 2005
A Friend-Filled Weekend
I spent a few days with some dear close friends this past extended weekend in music-filled San Francisco. They are brilliant, and kind, and creative and entertain me with their unique personalities.
Buddy. Your voice. Your music. Your guitar playing. Breathless.
Thank you for taking time out of your outrageously busy weekend of music festivals and concerts to spend time with me. Your soft heart is beautiful. Please give Julie a hug and tell her I love her and miss her terribly. I wish her endless, painless days and nights.
Rexie. Thank you for your endless kindness and the lifelong friendship we share. Let's get together soon for a light-hearted picnic in the wine country under the warm afternoon sun. You are going to be just fine.
Jon. You are a great friend. Thank you for cooking such a delicious breakfast. Driving with the top down through the hills of San Francisco. Taking different side streets made it seem I saw this beautiful city for the first time. Being with you is easy and effortless; kind and familiar... thank you.
Kamela. An hour spent with you seems like just a minute in time. Your talents still amaze me. You inspire me. Thank you for your giving spirit and leaving me always feeling happy that I, too, am an artist. Please don't forget to slow down and rest when you can.
It's a great thing to have these lasting life-long friends. I don't see you nearly as often as I wish. We once spent time together nearly everyday. Way back when we were human life-preservers for each other ... keeping our chins up; staying afloat. What an adventure it was back then. Splashing through the chilly waves... focusing on survival.
We've all done good. And, stronger because of the storm.
Buddy. Your voice. Your music. Your guitar playing. Breathless.
Thank you for taking time out of your outrageously busy weekend of music festivals and concerts to spend time with me. Your soft heart is beautiful. Please give Julie a hug and tell her I love her and miss her terribly. I wish her endless, painless days and nights.
Rexie. Thank you for your endless kindness and the lifelong friendship we share. Let's get together soon for a light-hearted picnic in the wine country under the warm afternoon sun. You are going to be just fine.
Jon. You are a great friend. Thank you for cooking such a delicious breakfast. Driving with the top down through the hills of San Francisco. Taking different side streets made it seem I saw this beautiful city for the first time. Being with you is easy and effortless; kind and familiar... thank you.
Kamela. An hour spent with you seems like just a minute in time. Your talents still amaze me. You inspire me. Thank you for your giving spirit and leaving me always feeling happy that I, too, am an artist. Please don't forget to slow down and rest when you can.
It's a great thing to have these lasting life-long friends. I don't see you nearly as often as I wish. We once spent time together nearly everyday. Way back when we were human life-preservers for each other ... keeping our chins up; staying afloat. What an adventure it was back then. Splashing through the chilly waves... focusing on survival.
We've all done good. And, stronger because of the storm.
Monday, October 3, 2005
Illustration Friday--Float
The air is getting cooler. The evening skies arrive much sooner than I want them to. How I long to be back on a warm calm beach. Feel the warmth of sand underneath my toes. Float along the ocean shore. Looking up occasionally, feeling surprised how far the current is taking me, but it doesn't matter. Floating is what matters. And, when I get off the air mattress... I still feel the sensation of floating... even late into the evening.
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