Saturday, November 10, 2007

Rainy Days

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
(The Carpenters 1971)

I wonder why that is with me. Why weather holds such a strong hold in how I feel about my day. It's raining today. And whenever that happens I tend to feel all lopsided and out of sorts.

My heart swells up and the gray skies makes me feel lonely for those I love. I feel vulnerable. I want to run to those I let down and beg them to forgive me and plead them to be my friend again. "I'll be better!" I promise to them in my heart.

I just feel so needy when it rains. And vulnerable. And alone. It's like when the rain flows from the skies, it is tears to me; my own.

I remember being a kid and I didn't mind the rain so much. I loved my shiny yellow rain jacket and putting the hood on over my head and the bottom patch covered my mouth. And do you remember the rain boots? Some called them Galoshes. Remember how hard it was to pull them off your shoes? I would hafta sit down and pull them off with both hands, grunting and squealing and heaving.

I loved the rain as a kid because that meant we played recess indoors.

It also meant that my mom would be there parked at the curb in front of our school, windshield wipers moving quickly in our Ford station wagon, waiting to pick us up. I'd run to her... feeling warm and loved and cared for.

I walked to school every day but my mom in-grilled it in my head that if it was raining, to wait for her. She'd be there. And she always was.

Nothing felt more comforting than that. We'd pass other kids walking down the sidewalk all hunched over trying to cover up from the rain while I sat in a warm car feeling dry and loved, listening to the motion of the windshield wipers scraping back and forth.

I took this photo a block from my house. Three young girls making the most of this rain. It made me stop and laugh and remember how rain doesn't affect the young. They make the most of it.

I will make a mind to do the same. That is my mission this year.
It's all up to me.


Michele Miles said...

Shawn - first, I'd like to offer you a virtual plate of warm chocolate chip cookies and a hug. Whoooh...(cornball alert!!) if you didn't mind the cornsyrup factor in that, it was meant as a warm and comforting gesture.

You know, I often write about one reason I had to leave the beachtown of Pacifica: The fog. It really affected my moods - really got me down. Sometimes I would just want to stay in bed.

I think some people are just affected by the weather more than others. Scientists have studied this a lot.

Which is funny, because - as you point out - as a kid rain could be so much messy fun. Rain was all about the puddles to splash in and mud to slog around. What was better than that? Well, maybe that and then coming inside for some good warm food - meatloaf and mashed potatoes, chicken noodle soup and saltines... cookies! Why do I always come back to food?

Anyway, Shawn - I can relate. Once again, loved your thoughtful posts.

Oh, and I, too, loved staying in the class when it rained instead of going to the cafeteria. It felt so special.

from the northwest said...

you California people really get too much sun.

doodlegirl said...

Awww. Michele. Thaaank you for those delicious warm chocolate chip cookies. (my favorite!!!) Such a sweet, warm and comforting gesture!

A month ago or so, I left our gorgeous sunny, warm weather and entered Pacifica and it felt like we were in a completely different remote place as it was so draped in grayness. A few minutes later, we drove out of it and it was blue skies and warm again. I know what you mean about having to say goodbye to the beachtown.

I feel so much better today. (It was sunny!) :O)


Northwest: Thank you for your comment. That just made me laugh outloud. It also made me realize how good we have it out here. I have so much to be grateful for.

Janet said...

I always hated the rain on schooldays, because I had naturally curly hair, and after working so hard to get every hair in place, I would head off to school and my head would turn into a big pile of frizz!
It just started to rain here about 30 mins ago, but since we have had none in a long while, it is a welcome sight!

doodlegirl said...

Hi Janet! I wonder how many people actually enjoyed the rain as a kid going to school. Or even going to work.

The only ones I know who enjoy the rain are those who love reading.

And yet, unless, you're retired, a housewife or unemployed.. who has time during a rainy day to read?!?

It's good for the plants, and our quinch of thirst, of course, but otherwise... i really enjoy it most, while I'm laying in bed and hear the rain falling softly in my sleep. When the sun rises and shines on me during the day.. that's when I know.. it's the perfect winter day.