Monday, April 26, 2010

Running against the obstacles

So I ran.

And I ran and I ran... but I felt sore and lethargic and felt my calves were gonna explode. I kept up with the group for the first couple of miles and then I started to lose my pace... and the distance between us started to shift farther apart.
And when I finally finished the near 9 mile run, instead of feeling happy, I felt sorta defeated. I didn't wanna be last in my running group.

And I was last.

And maybe if my knee wasn't sore, and my hamstrings weren't giving me any trouble and my ankle felt strong... I would have done better.  And certainly if I ran more during the week, without question, I could have enjoyed a greater run.

I certainly don't run nearly as much as I did this past winter. Some weeks I just run one day. And never more than twice a week. My running buddies are now running while I'm at work. And running alone isn't as fun so I'm running less frequent, and in turn, each run I feel the struggle of it more and more.

Basically, I started to give up in my head. And you can't have that when you are running.

Sorry for the defeated post, but I am guessing we all feel this way at some point.  I feel sad and depressed and overcome.

Wishing for better days.  And they will come.  They do, ya know, and they will.

(By the way... the video I took while running is under a minute and if you watch it,  you can see how beautiful it was out there!)

I am so happy I experienced running in such a breathtaking, beautiful place amongst ferns, wild flowers, flowing rivers and eventually the Pacific Ocean.

Tomorrow I'll run again and see where it takes me. Because I know in my heart, it all begins with that first step and a new mind set.


Dan Guerra said...

Oh yes, there is ALWAYS tomorrow...I know that firsthand. Not every day is going to be glorious, and not always on top of our game. But some days we are!
Don't worry about feeling defeated, you finished! And that was only one run, on one day.
So good job Shawn! I think you are awesome for doing it! :o)

doodlegirl said...

Thanks Dan! That was so nice to hear. I needed that. :O)

Anonymous said...

Oh Shawn, I hate for you to go through all that mental stuff. That's what I do! :(

I read your other post and wanted to write and tell you not to be so hard on yourself. One thing for sure is that running is supposed to be a joy and fun. Not one more stress and pressure for us. We just have to keep remembering that, you know? And the only way you improve as a runner is to run with different people, faster people and try new things.

You are doing those things already Shawn! That's so awesome.

Beautiful run (movie) by the way!


doodlegirl said...

Good point. I appreciate you taking the time to remind me of these things and thanks for admitting you go through mental stuff, too. :O)

Christine said...

I swear we are like twins the way we think and act with our runners life. Only you run longer distances and have much nicer views!!! What glorious views of the ocean in your video! Thanks so much for doing that.

Just be careful running through the pain of injuries. I have read that runners are prone to do that more than any other athlete, but it isn't always the best thing for our bodies.

Do you listen to music when you run by yourself? I have much better rhythm and endurance AND mentality when I have the music cranked up in my ears when I run solo. Maybe it will help you, too.

Happy trails! :)

Tina @GottaRunNow said...

I bet you feel better today, but just in case... You ran 9 miles! That's super!

Great video! What a run!

I think you mentioned something about me knowing my running pace for each mile in a comment... I use a Garmin for that. Very helpful!

Jen and Angela said...

Beautiful video! You are awesome. Before blogging, I used to keep journals (that is before my daughters read them) and looking back over them taught me to not take myself too seriously. Life is all about change. One day up, one day down. Hey, maybe we should just show up every other day! xoxo Jen

doodlegirl said...

Hi Christine!!
I DO sometimes listen to music. I LOVE it when i run and have my music going. It sooo helps me run and helps pass the time. I gotta say I only run with music when I'm running alone or on a race which is seldom, but it sure helps and makes me happy!

Tina... you were sooo right! I DID feel better and DO feel better! :O) Thanks for recognizing that and believing in me. Thank you for telling me about your Garmin. I'm using a free app on my phone. I guess it works okay. Just can't do it mile by mile... Grrrrrrr

Jen.. Haha! I soo know what you mean about taking ourselves too seriously! I just read an old private journal of mine just after I bought my house and the repairs seemed enormous and then suddenly I looked outside and saw mushrooms growing outside and I nearly flipped out! Silly mushrooms seemed worse than anything else! I laughed so hard when I was reading about my meltdown. I just didn't see the big picture.

And you're right. One day up. One day down. I've had a lot more ups since I wrote that.. and can't wait to post about it before i get another one of those down days and lose my positive train of thought. :O)

Christine said...

Hi Shawn,
I learned the hard way by having been left alone in the dust when running with my group and not having my ipod with me... to always have it just in case. I just keep the earbuds around my neck or tucked in a pocket or through my sleeve or something so that if I find myself alone, I can put on the music. Running alone without the music is torture for me. Maybe it wouldn't be if I had the trails and views that you do... but I can't stand hearing my feet pound the pavement and my breathing all huffs and puffs and gasps.

Can you drop me an email at krauscakes[at]verizon[dot]net? You may have seen my post that you won that quirky calendar on my blog, but I had the wrong email address in my post. Thanks!

Happy Trails!