Saturday, June 12, 2010

And then hope poured out

I came thisclose.

It’s the worst when you allow yourself to get excited.

Did you hear my exciting news... i would sometimes casually mention during a quiet lull in a conversation I had among friends. I kept it mostly secret for a week or two, but as the final day approached for it to become a done deal... I started to whisper the news more confidently.

Wow! This is really gonna happen! And I began to daydream of the possibilities and imagining how my life could be different based around this one contract.

But then it didn't happen. She had second thoughts about me being the perfect choice for her and by the way, thank you for all the time you invested in me, and have a great day!

And when that so-called promise keeper took my bag of dreams and blasted cold water into it, what else could i have done ... but to stand there firmly, holding my head high, and clutching with both hands onto what was left of this dream I was still holding.

When you reach that sort of disappointment, you kinda get all quiet and feel a little dead inside... like everything just turned dull and muted. The world continues on, but for a moment, all is made silent around you or turned and lulled into slow motion.

Potential freelance work sucks a lot of energy out of one self and if my life wasn't dependent on that extra income, I would be more than happy to kiss it goodbye for ever.

But when you have no other option, you just keep putting yourself out there.

And, you know what? We can’t have anything really great unless we put ourselves out there again and again. Taking risks that leave us standing there only holding onto a wet useless scrap of paper can actually open up a different door for us. It can make us turn our head in a different direction, revealing new things about ourselves.

Rejection forces us to confront ourselves in a whole different way, and it gives us a chance to focus on something bigger and better. The whole point in all of it? To grow, to learn, to get more enjoyment out of who we are ... and out of life and love.

Oh yeah. And so we remember to use sturdier containers to carry our hopes and dreams in.

Paper bags are really only good for recycling.


Dan Guerra said...

Wow what an insightful post Shawn! And I can relate...Hope can be a precious and fragile thing sometimes, and it's easy to lock it away in a vault. But it's better to keep it alive by trying...When you reach for the stars, some just won't be attainable, but sometimes you grab one!
And you will!

doodlegirl said...

Thank you dan for your encouraging and insightful comment. You always seem to say the most perfect things.

Christine said...

Ugh. So sorry that happened to you... but I think you've got a great attitude. Keep on pluggin'!!!!!

Jen and Angela said...

You are an amazing talent and a fun, funny person. Thanks for yet more inspiration! Jen

doodlegirl said...

You guys are the greatest!!! Thaanks! And ya know what? I'm over this and moving on... I'm excited for what can be.....