i'm back in my body where I hear the small yelp for something new and refreshing to quench my creative soul.
It's like a mirage.
Seemingly right there in front of me. If I reach out, I feel as though I can touch it; taste it. I stare out into the abyss and similar to the magic eye pictures... i squint my eyes a tad, so i can peer into a picture previously unseen to the eye.
What is it that i'm supposed to see?
What's my destiny?
What is my heart telling me?
Another birthday is approaching and so it's no wonder I am looking back over my life and wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, rrrreally be doing.
It has nothing to do with my day job. I love my daylight hours designing fabric, ads, movies--- anything that lands on my platter... I enjoy doing... and hope to work here until my 100th birthday. But still... there is a huge longing to do something that is purely a "shawn" thing to do. A doodlegirl dream that has nothing to do with my daytime doodling.
It has everything to do with what I do with my free time in the evenings. I want to do whatever that IS that makes my heart sing.
What IS my greatest talent. What is that thing I am best at?
So many thoughts and ideas bouncing inside me like drunk people dancing at a wedding.
So I sit here outside under my new patio on a warm July evening and let my imagination soar. I am so grateful for my home. And my backyard that was once a pile of weeds but now green and luscious with beautiful purple agapanthus that look like fireworks in the night sky.
I am writing down notes. Remembering my earlier accomplishments and my pile of creative projects I started but never completed. Dreams I planted ... and can still grow if I cultivate it.
It's okay that I don't know the answer now. The map is still in my spirit and it's up to me to keep making steps in my creative journey in the same direction as I follow my heart.
Thinking about this makes me deliriously happy. And it takes my breath away.
What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?