Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Learning. One day at a time.

Feet. Nothing but feet and legs walking back and forth and back and forth. Those tired worn out emergency curtains are only good for a bit of privacy.

But only a visual privacy

You can hear every conversation going on. Every single private confidential conversation between doctor and patient. I was entertained at first.

I actually wanted the curtains to open up so I could watch all the action from my gurney and be able to listen better. So much was going on. Nearly every couple of hours another helicopter was landing on the roof. "Code Blue!" I heard over the loudspeaker at least twice. I whispered a prayer for him ... as I always do when an ambulance passes by.

I laid there while my sister sat in a chair next to me for more than seven hours. What a patient and loving sister! (And she works in that same hospital as a nurse and yet spent that time there with me on her day off)!

(my mother was unable to visit as she is still radioactive from her thyroid cancer treatments and needs to be isolated)

We played 20 Questions and eavesdropped on my neighbors on either side behind the curtains.

The doctors are checking me for a matter of things. They hooked me up to a monitor to check my vital organs. I've had a brain cat scan and and EKG, a slew of blood tests, and soon I'm going to have a brain MRI and an EEG along with a visit to the neurologist.

So far the results are negative (which is positive).

I experienced some sort of black-out over the weekend.

My blood pressure is remarkably high ... just under the clouds ...I think. And, my pulse races much too quickly.

Between my early morning kitchen remodel to working side illustration jobs late into the evenings... I've barely had any time to do much else.

I've been behind on my house cleaning. And yard work. And emails.
And have too many unreturned phone calls. I've been saying no to get-togethers with friends and dinners with my family.

Everything that keeps me feeling centered and at peace, I have been neglecting, and saying no to. Ultimately making me the author of my own unhappiness.

On a deeper level, I know better.

As I concentrate on getting better, I am reminding you to be kind toward yourself as well, in all the choices you make about your everyday life.

there is a voice inside of you
that whispers all day long,
"i feel that this is right for me,
i know that this is wrong."
no teacher, preacher, parent, friend
or wise man can decide
what's right for you- just listen to
the voice that speaks inside."
~ Shel Silverstein


platitudinal said...

Oh my gosh, Shawn!!! I got really scared when I read the first part of this post. "Why was she in a gurney?"

I'm glad that the results came out negative. Please, slow down a bit, okay? Please, please, take good care of yourself.

*It was very nice that your sister was with you. You have a very loving and supportive family. :)
**I like the Shel Silverstein's poem you shared with us. One of my favorites of his is "What ifs"

Janet said...

Oh! I was scared,too...and now I'm relieved (well,sort of...)
Please take it easy!!!

kelly said...

Shawn, I am with you for the long haul, you know that. Anything I can do, I'll be there. Praying for you!

Doodlestreet said...

Oh Shawnie..
I'm so so glad you live by your family and you have their warm and loving support. There's nothing like having our reassuring sister by our side when things get scary. God bless em.
Please give yourself the gift of rest and time to heal yourself and soften the rough edges of your busy life.

Michele said...

Shawn!!! Wheeeeewww... I'm so glad you're fine. How scary.

I came here after reading your post on my site. Sounds like yesterday was crazy, too - from what you wrote in my post. Please take care of yourself!

I need to catch up an read your blog posts. I haven't been on the internet as much lately... and now I read about your scare with your health and emergency room visits... Yikes!

Take care of yourself!!!!

Anonymous said...


I have you in my thoughts and prayers.



doodlegirl said...

Thank you to each and everyone of you. It truly means so very much to me to have your sweet kind thoughts and support.

Rayne said...

Oh, wow! I had no idea! I hope you are feeling better soon and that it all turns out to be nothing and that everything is okay and they get that blood pressure under control!
Also, thank you for sharing a bit of Shel Silverstein with us. He always seems to pop up just when I need him.

danny said...

What a scare that must have been Shawn! It's a relief to know that the results were negative (positive). My thoughts are with you AND your mom. Don't worry, the house and yard can wait, just take care.

violetismycolor said...

Take care of yourself. I can't believe how scary this must have been.

I wish I was going to be in town this weekend, but I am flying East for Bonnie's graduation.

Rest and get better.

Anonymous said...

Have you been eating properly? I blacked out when I fasted for a month losing weight to stay out of draft back when. Hopefully it is something as simple as that.

Does this mean you wont make the BBQ this year?

Ken Starr

Janet said...

'just checkin' in....' hope you're feeling better!