Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The need for change

"The need for change
bulldozed a road
the center of my mind."
-Maya Angelou

I am laying on my back while a technician is squeezing me through the narrow MRI tube hooked up to an apparatus looking like a baseball catcher's face mask.

Across town... my head is held steady by a chin strap, while a technician greases my head with bright blue conductive gel and then slips a cap on my head bristling with electrodes to read my brain waves during an EEG.

"Shall I think up some complicated math equations during the procedure to get my left brain working?
" I ask. "Ya know... to beef it up a bit so it'll match more to the size of my right side?"

she said. "You must lay completely still and try to empty your mind..."

"That's easy." Or so I thought.

The tests results on all four tests turned out NORMAL much to our relief. My brain is workin' normal (perhaps a slight suprise to some!)

The neurologist believes a blackout can happen to any who suffers from long term sleep depravation and a whole lot of stress.
And I was only sleeping three to six hours most nights because nearly every free evening and weekend I had, I was moonlighting.

(Moonlighting! Remember that tv show from the 80s?) I never used that word before. But it seemed redundant when I typed free evening and freelance in the same sentence, so I switched it up to the lovely word moonlighting which also makes me think of the movie Moon Struck. And then of course, Moon Zappa. And Reverend Moon.

I think working long hours is overrated. I'm tired and need to fill myself back up. Everyone needs balance in their lives and free moments to replenish oneself. My yards needs it, too. And my house. I've neglected everything including myself and have suffered the consequences.

Last week I had a really great time in Portland at the International Spring Quilt Market. I really needed that creative boost. And I also got to rub shoulders with a lot of wonderful people who up until then, I only knew from reading their blogs. Well. Actually we didn't actually rub shoulders or it would have been a trade show for Massage Therapists and not one for Quilters.

My boss Kathy and JCaroline put together a fun Meet & Greet Party for creative bloggers to meet each other. You can read about it here on JCaroline's blog! (and go here and here and here, too. They are all really fun, creative people and have interesting blogs to visit from time to time.

Hanging out with these newly signed licensed designers and hearing the excitement in their voice and listening to their dreams was inspiring and touched deep places in my spirit. Their success really is just within their fingertips. I really believe they are in control of their own destiny. All they need to do is stand on their tiptoes and reach.

And they will. And you can, too. We all can. It's right there for us. I truly believe that.


modkidboutique said...

Hey Shawn! I have just gotten lost in your blog and your online portfolio for the last half-hour or so. You are so extremely talented. You should be very proud of yourself. The fabrics I am seeing here on your blog are amazing!! OMG! YOU ROCK!

And I am so sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well. I hope they figure out soon what is going on with you. I know it's no fun to be in the dark like that. I had a series of the same types of tests in the mid-90's. I was having terrible migraines (the super debilitating kind and like 2 or 3 times a week!). They were searching for brain tumors but never found anything. To this day they still have not found what causes those but luckily they have subsided quite a bit.

Well, it was lovely to meet you, Shawn. I hope I get to see you this Summer in Sonoma and if not then definitely this Fall in Houston. Thanks so much for the wonderful compliments and support. :)

doodlegirl said...

Oh Patty! I'm so happy to hear you didn't have a brain tumor! That's such a huge relief and always a fear! I really hope we all get together this summer for that designer's retreat. It will be sooo much fun!

Your enthusiasm is so contagious and causes my spirit to soar!

danny said...

Glad to hear your brain is normal Shawn! yeah that's quite a relief...and that's an inspiring message, I always liked this song lyric,
"ain't nothing like it
when you're reaching for stars
and you GRAB ONE"
I grabbed one once...maybe I'll grab another someday.

doodlegirl said...

I grabbed a star once, too! But the security guard nearly had me arrested. Now whenever I see one, I don't touch... just look. ;O)

Bren said...

Most of us don't take care of ourselves until something happens and then we realize that neglecting our own life is not healthy.

It has taken me 47 years to finally realize this and I am finally doing something about it. It is life shattering, in a good way, for me.

Hope you find everything on your test to be negative. Hope you take more time out for YOU. And I wish you many hours and nights of slumber.
Take care of you! You deserve it.

doodlegirl said...

Thank you Bren. You are my dearest friend in the whole wide world.
I am wishing you the very best as I know you are going through some life changes, too. I'm right there with you supporting you all the way.

violetismycolor said...

How scary to have a blackout! Glad you are all right, though. And I am so sorry that I missed seeing you in Portland, but instead was being drowned at the Colgate graduation.

doodlegirl said...

It was so lovely there in Portland. It was in the high 90s and I loved the old downtown. I wish I was able to see more of that beautiful city. And I missed you at the Blogger's Party.

platitudinal said...

Glad to hear the result of the MRI test. :)

Paula Prass said...

Oh Shawn, I have been so behind after coming back from Portland. I instantly connected with you while there and am only now getting to visit your blog.

Now I know why I connect with you. I see much of your lifestyle is the same as mine. Do you ever wonder if highly creative people run on an extra battery? I think about how I am driven beyond what normal people seem to fit into a day. I think about past artists of all sorts and their unbalanced lives. I was a single mom w/ 2 babies and a compulsion to provide and survive. I'm 57 and still driven. Hello! I constantly deal with balance. I know what balance looks like...that's not the issue.

I love your honesty and compassion. And hello, I'm learning about your designs. I'll be back for more!!!

modkidboutique said...

Glad to hear my enthusiasm came through at Market... lately I've been feeling so tired though. Did you get the test results yet? Been keeping you in my thoughts, dear.

Looking forward to a designer's retreat for sure! HOW FUN!