Saturday, March 31, 2007

Enjoying my life

i am enjoying today. And me.

I've been laughing at myself for who I am.

Didja know? I blunder my way through life most the time ... flying by the seat of my pants.

I am Harriet the Spy, I am Miss Bashful, I am Class Clown, I am Ms. Story Teller, I am the Dumb Blonde annnd the Hard Worker. I am known for saying, "yeahh, maybe that WAS a stupid thing I just did, but it sure made a good story!"

I second-guess a lot:

What will they think of what I just did?
Could I have better phrased what I just said?
Will i regret what i just did?
Will someone think less of me because... ?

Always tripping over how others will think of me instead of just being freely me and walking clearly ahead unabashed.

I am in the process of learning to not be so hard on myself.

Because life is short. We hear it over and over again. Ya gotta live it like there's no tomorrow and yet also live as if you'll live to be a thousand years. That's a quote somewhere. Couldn't tell you where I heard it or who said it. But I try to live my life that way.

The bottom line, after all is, "was i kind?" That's how we all should live, I think.
Did you injure anyone? Can you repair the damage you caused?

I hope so. It's never too late. Ever.

I had an appointment with my accountant and longtime friend today to go over my 2006 income taxes. He told me a story how he sadly lost two friends this year. One friend he had since 1978! Another since 1995. One stole his gas credit card. Another stole his tools in his garage. It hurt like hell. He said, "Ya know what Shawn? If any of them calls me to apologize.. I would forgive and welcome them back. Because they were my good friends. But. They haven't! That is what hurts me. That is what burns such a huge hole in my heart... "

My heart stung hearing his story. He was hurting more than the the ones who wronged him.

So. Today. If I didn't hurt anyone, and if I can go to bed at night and feel good about the day I just lived, then I've lived a day in my life that is filled with quality and goodness and love and kindness. And hopefully with a bit of spunk and fun and adventure, too. Then I can live happy. And I am.

I wish you the same.


Rayne said...

This post really helped me out today.
I've been on the 'if I weren't so sick I could be such a better wife, mother, writer, artist. I could do something with my life. I could be a....contender!' Sorry, couldn't help myself. But, your writing made me see something in myself. I can say that I loved fully today, that I did things with my girls, listened to my husband about his concerns, gave the dog an extra scratch and a pet. Little gentle things that made a difference. I do count and I am not useless.
I feel sorry for your accountant. Those experiences must have been horribly painful for him.

ValGalArt said...

I feel these things to! I always worry that I say something dumb but I try to always be kind and loving. Good post and words to live by, pal!

Doodlestreet said...

I love red, too!

Doodlestreet said...

Hhahahaha...just kidding on that last post. (Inside Joke).

I love it when you write these kinds of things in your blog. You have a way of finding those words we all can identify with on one level or another. We just read and think, "Ahhhh...EXACTLY!"

danny said...

Another great post Shawn! That's a bummer what happened to your accountant.
But yeah, to see yourself as others may see you can always lead to a myriad of
introspection...but you're fine! :o)
Or as ol' Abe Lincoln said, just stay close to the angels of our better nature.