It was about a week before Christmas, while sitting alone at a funeral of someone I love very much.... when the pastor said it was our opportunity to view this lovely woman in the casket... and I felt my knees buckle.
I felt so entirely alone and wondered how I could muster up the courage to do this uncomfortable feat by myself. I started to shake.
And. As i shook... I realized this:
There are 500 people giving their last respect and goodbyes to this amazing woman and even while standing two inches from someone they knew and loved ... they were still experiencing their very own personal grieving experience alone.
So i managed.
Later, I walked out into the parking lot filled with tears and I looked for her husband. And her daughters. I waited and when it was my turn, I grabbed them and hugged them hard and talked to each of them personally.
And I knew even then, if one other person accompanied me and stood by my side or even an entire family, and we all walked up to these grieving friends of mine together... i knew as I talked to them individually... I would still be talking to them as an individual. I wouldn't be any more brave or feel any less alone if I was standing with a dozen people.
Because..... we all are in this life alone.
This evening I am icing my heel and my ankle and my knee cap as they hurt and I worry about them during my last practice run tomorrow morning before our race next sunday.
Angie and Heidi won't be running our practice run tomorrow as they spending the weekend up at Lake Tahoe with their families.
So... I'm going to run this last practice run alone.
And you know what?
That is life.
We're all in this life alone.
Way back when Oprah ran that marathon.. do you remember people saying things like.. "Well, she had her own personal trainer..." and "she had her own personal chef..."
Well, listen to me. No matter who feeds you or who trains you... it is still YOU out there running that race. Alone. No one else is running for you. It is just you. Running in the dark. Or in the rain. Or when you don't feel good or in pain.
It is all you.
I am happy and feel blessed that I am going out there tomorrow. Against the winter weather and just run. Because it's just that.
I'm running for me.
Alone on those trails.
And in the end.. that matters.