It was about a week before Christmas, while sitting alone at a funeral of someone I love very much.... when the pastor said it was our opportunity to view this lovely woman in the casket... and I felt my knees buckle.
I felt so entirely alone and wondered how I could muster up the courage to do this uncomfortable feat by myself. I started to shake.
And. As i shook... I realized this:
There are 500 people giving their last respect and goodbyes to this amazing woman and even while standing two inches from someone they knew and loved ... they were still experiencing their very own personal grieving experience alone.
So i managed.
Later, I walked out into the parking lot filled with tears and I looked for her husband. And her daughters. I waited and when it was my turn, I grabbed them and hugged them hard and talked to each of them personally.
And I knew even then, if one other person accompanied me and stood by my side or even an entire family, and we all walked up to these grieving friends of mine together... i knew as I talked to them individually... I would still be talking to them as an individual. I wouldn't be any more brave or feel any less alone if I was standing with a dozen people.
Because..... we all are in this life alone.
This evening I am icing my heel and my ankle and my knee cap as they hurt and I worry about them during my last practice run tomorrow morning before our race next sunday.
Angie and Heidi won't be running our practice run tomorrow as they spending the weekend up at Lake Tahoe with their families.
So... I'm going to run this last practice run alone.
And you know what?
That is life.
We're all in this life alone.
Way back when Oprah ran that marathon.. do you remember people saying things like.. "Well, she had her own personal trainer..." and "she had her own personal chef..."
Well, listen to me. No matter who feeds you or who trains you... it is still YOU out there running that race. Alone. No one else is running for you. It is just you. Running in the dark. Or in the rain. Or when you don't feel good or in pain.
It is all you.
I am happy and feel blessed that I am going out there tomorrow. Against the winter weather and just run. Because it's just that.
I'm running for me.
Alone on those trails.
And in the end.. that matters.
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6 comments:
Wow what a moving statement Shawn! I've attended recent funerals myself, always reminded how we dance on this earth for too short a time. Every day needs to be a celebration, I'm glad you've found running as one way to do it!
Thanks for this note dan. We really do dance on this earth far too short. We can never count on tomorrow as this moment is all we have for sure. It's important we make the most of what we have.
Beautifully said. We come into this life alone and we leave it alone. In between, our lives touch each others. I often think, when I am on the trail alone, that no one cares that I'm out there except me. And that's the one person who really matters. If it's to be, it's up to me. Jen
A very insightful post, Shawn.
So very true that YOU are running because YOU want to and because YOU make it happen.
I hope today's training run goes well. You're almost there!!!
I needed ice on my ankle (left) and knee (right) this weekend, too. It kind of makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who feels achy breaky from running now and then. ;o)
Happy trails!
Hi Christine. Doesn't it feel good to know, that though we're all living in this world as individuals... we all have similliar struggles and share in the same "icing our pain!" :O) Keep up that running, though! As my sister says, "It'll make you stronger!" (I just had an Ah-Ha moment when I wrote that. It makes you stronger in all aspects of your life.. physically and emotionally).
Smart words Jen! ".... no one cares that i'm out there but me... " If you don't take care of yourself, no one else can do that for you. Thanks to the both of you for dropping by and commenting! I enjoyed your thoughts very much.
We are indeed. Sigh. We come in alone, and go out alone. And it is our aloneness that connects us. :-)
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