If you can't find your pen.... it likely wandered over to my house. I have never seen so many mounds of pens in one place in my life! It looks as though I've opened shop to a Pen Store.
For the past several weeks I have been gutting it out.
Sifting through all my belongings in my studio with as much joy as dental work.
I have filled up four large recycling bins over the past four weeks. I just stuff them until I can't stuff them no more. Then I wheel them out to the curb for the City to pick them up and carry it away. Then I start this intimidating task again.
I am so tired of living a disorganized life.
I am done with never knowing where anything is. It doesn't nourish my soul or my life in anyway.
I opened up a box and inside it consisted of:
• a LOBO Greatest Hits cd
• three old bank statements
• a jack-in-the-box kids meal toy of Jack himself carrying a briefcase and wearing a tie.
• several postcards from friends on vacation
• a tangle of vcr cords
• a portable cd player
• a Golden Gate bride toll receipt from 1998
• a PEOPLE magazine with The Brady Bunch on the cover
• a talking pedometer still in the box
• an old 1992 Delta airline ticket from San Francisco to Denver with a layover in Salt Lake City.
• a backstage pass at Folk Singer Dar Williams concert while in Northampton, MA over New Years 1999
• unused yellow post-it notes
• a 1970s Defranco Family Slurpy Cup
• the negatives from a photo roll from 1994
• a William Holden autograph
• a book called "Don't Worry Be Crabby!" by John Wagner
• an old address book (that still has my grandparents numbers on there as well as numerous aunts and uncles and cousins who no longer live in this world...)
• etc etc etc
That was just one box. I had so many boxes, they were just jammed inside my closet. Each box closely looking like the next one.
An incredibly old man looked inside my eyes sometime around 2002-2003 in an old junk store off of interstate 35 between San Marcos and New Braunfels, Texas and said: Know when to hold 'em. And know when to fold 'em.
I think he was talking to me about Happy Meal toys, but tonight I hear him clearly telling me this on a deeper level.
Ever since my wake-up call at the hospital early last month, I have decided to take back my life. To stop and smell the roses so-to-speak. And I have become aware that once I made that decision, I have attracted that into my life.
I need more time in my life to water the lawn. Pull the weeds around the rose bush. Fix the automatic sprinklers. I also need to get rid of clutter and have more organization in my life.
I am learning that less is more. And that when my house is free of clutter my heart and head feels most calm.
I am getting there. And yes, I'm still keeping a lot of the sentimental letters and other things that stir my heart because it connects the dots from my past to my future and that has made me who I am today.
It's a lot of work and feels like it's taking me a lifetime to go through things and then I remember it is because I am going through a lifetime.
And a lovely one at that.